Wouldn't Trade a Trial.

March 2015. I'm pretty sure that could be classified as the worst month of my life. I saw so many I loved tested in the hardest of ways, losses either physically or spiritually. Quite simply it was the worst. I don't remember ever crying so much in my life. (And if you know me, that's a lot.) You can read about a portion of that month here.

Month of Satan...and...

I was thinking about that month of March, haha the month of Satan. (Okay, pretty much if I don't like something I call it Satan. ;)) It was hard. Sometimes, it's harder for me to see ones I love go through a trial I can't help or fix than it is for me to experience something. That month was definitely one I can't forget. That month of Satan. But in all reality, it wasn't just the month of Satan. It was the month of my Father in Heaven, the month of joy, the month that I truly became who I am today. The month that day by day, shaped my testimony-shaped my life.

I remember one of those long nights, crying to my mom. "It's not fair. It's not fair." I kept saying it over and over, tears streaming down my face. I was upset. Almost on the verge of anger. My mom spoke some wise words to me. We talked for a while...I cried for a long while...my mom showed me that sometimes it's really not fair. Sometimes we, or the ones we love experience the trial of heartache. But it's no point for us to sit and wallow. It's a time for us to do something.

But...Why? *Cheesy Smile*

I'm convinced my four year old niece, Micah is the best human on planet earth to ask about a billion questions. More often than not, she's asking questions about something that's quite plainly in sight. (They think two year olds are the questioning age? They haven't met Mike.) 

Sometimes she'll ask, "What's that Rissa?" or "But why??" *Insert super cheesy smile because she knows the answer* To which I'll usually say, "It's ____" or "Because that's just the way it is Mike." (Then you multiply that scenario by about 20 times because that's literally how many questions she has haha.)

But I think that we are that way sometimes too. I think we ask too often, "But...why do we have to go through this Heavenly Father? Why are you having me go through this? It's hard." We question it a lot. Trials are hard. Trials are dang hard!! Sometimes it's just easier to think we would be better off without the hardship. Sometimes it's almost easier to live a (seemingly) happy, perfect, free, trial-less life.

As nice as that would be, I firmly believe there is something to be had and something to be learned from every little experience we have. From every single person we meet. I believe that trials are meant to make us better, to make us happier. I believe that even and especially when things are hard, that we aren't alone. That one, our Savior and brother Jesus Christ, knows exactly how it is and how it goes. He knows every heartache we feel, every sorrow, every sadness we experience. 

I Believe. 

"Because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path, utterly alone, we do not have to do so."
-Elder Jeffery R. Holland

"He will ever be at our side. He will fight our battles. He is our hope. He is our salvation. He is the way."
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"The one who had the power to calm the elements of the earth, has the power to calm our souls"
-Elder Robert D. Hales

I believe Jesus Christ knows because He suffered for our sins, died on the cross, and was later resurrected. I believe His love and understanding goes far beyond empathy or sympathy. I believe He knows. I believe He knows what it's like to be disappointed, hurt, angry, happy, joyful! I believe He knows, and truly is the only one that does. I believe that although He bled from every pore, felt the ache and sorrows of this world, was mocked and spit upon, I believe He wouldn't trade that trial and hardship. I believe He would do it again if needs be. I believe He loves us.

So I Wouldn't Do the Switcheroo.

I wouldn't trade a trial. I wouldn't change a thing about the hardships I've experienced. I wouldn't trade a moment of March 2015. Because even if it was harder than hard to see those I love go through seemingly unbearable things, I wouldn't trade it. Because I wouldn't trade the person I've become through that. I wouldn't trade the happiness that I sought in that hard time. And I certainly wouldn't trade the feeling of comfort from my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Things are going to be hard. Trials will come and go. Days, months, and years like March 2015 will come and go, but honestly, I wouldn't trade a trial.

"Our most prized friend is Jesus Christ himself."
-Elder Ronald A. Rasband