But there's a couple other things I almost swear I'm allergic to; microphones and emotions. Anytime I get close to them it takes me for a whirl.
 |
| *my face when emotion allergies hit* |
Hey Mike.
I'm pretty sure it's safe to say everyone in my home ward has seen me cry at least one time or another. (Seriously, this allergy kicks my butt.) And it's not like there's even an allergy season for microphones, there just there. All. The. Time!
I pretty much fight it every time. That internal spiritual battle.
"Get up and go bear your testimony."
"No I bore it recently, everyone's heard it."
"You get up there and bear it."
"Nope, I'll cry."
"You always cry."
That...is quite true. Every time I go up, I swear I won't shed a single tear. (Who even plans to anyways?) But there's got to be something about that microphone that truly gets me. Dang allergies.
What is This Feeling So Sudden and New?
Emotions are so dang weird. I think Disney's Inside Out portrayed it pretty well, sometimes emotions come and go. My best friend actually told me once, "You're not very good with emotions." I'm really not. If I don't like the way I feel, I try sidetracking myself and do something crazy--like start a blog. ;)
I think as humans we have a hard time coping with what we feel. Anger, happiness, sorrow, sadness, joy, or even excitement. It's hard often times to put into words what we feel. It's even harder to show that to others while being sensitive to their feelings.
Don't Taco About It.
Sometimes my allergies get the best of me. (Mainly the grass at the most inconvenient of times.) Sometimes I know I have to go and bear my testimony, not for others, but for me. It's hard to get the words out because I feel at times we have the thoughts of what we need to say and do floating around in our minds, but once the words escape our lips, our hearts know it too.
Just tonight I was laying next to my mom and the words just came, "I want to go on a mission so bad right now." Out of total oblivion. I'm not entirely sure where it came from. Then complete silence. We both didn't say a word for a few minutes. I thought, "Marissa. What did you just say?!"
Finally my mom spoke and we talked about it. About changes. Change has been so hard lately. So good, but so hard. I think I get the habit of saying, "it's all good" from my mom. Because so many times that she's said it and I truly believe it. It's all good. Change is hard, but man is it oh so good. I cried. Tears came out and I couldn't stop them. Things don't make sense. Sometimes they just won't make sense. But talking about it, vocally talking about it makes it real, tangible, and so doable.
I'm so bad at vocally saying what I truly mean. Yes, yes, and yes, I can say totally stupid things that come across far from what I mean them to. I've always admired those who can easily say, "I love you!" to anyone and everyone. That's a real skill. But to say words to ourselves, others, and especially our Father in Heaven, that's what pierces my soul to the very core. I can get on my knees and pray in my heart to my Heavenly Father, no problem. But to get on my knees and pray to Him, to thank Him, to ask Him, to tell Him my struggles and heart aches...that's what gets me feel something I can't describe sufficiently in words.
Sorry My Eyes are Watering.
So yes, microphones and emotions seem to be my most tender allergies...but there is nothing quite like the ability to speak vocally. To truly mean every word that comes out of your mouth, and (somehow) become a better person because of it.
Thanks allergies for teaching me that sometimes microphones and emotions can be okay...but can we make a specific season for that?
Mostly Marissa
My allergies are tending to act up a little bit because a week ago these cuties were here and now they're in California and Idaho...I'm not sure how to handle this so here's a plethora of cute pictures of them. Happy First Birthday Ella!
Instagram: roo_photography1
No comments:
Post a Comment