Just last week, I was looking at the stats of this blog. Something I take pride in, to share the good news that joyful life can be attained in this dreary world! As I was looking at different sites that attract my different readers, some from as far as Germany, France, China, and Japan! (I get slightly giddy every time I see where you all come from!) Then I scrolled over to look where everyone finds this small blog on the World Wide Web. Facebook and Instagram are a staple site for traffic. However, I saw a site I have never heard of. "Cool!" I thought. "This blog is getting bigger!" I clicked on the site and there it was.
A Taboo Topic.
Pornography. Why is it such a topic that is taboo? Why is it that it is hidden and anyone and everyone is embarrassed to talk about it? It shouldn't be. It's part of Satan's tactics in this modern day of technology. The moment I saw it I felt sick to my stomach. I clicked out as fast as I could and shut my computer off and went and told my roommate. I hate pornography. I HATE IT. Satan upsets me entirely, but this tactic of his, angers me beyond words. But where does it start?
I believe it starts young. I couldn't tell you the first time I had actually seen pornography pop up on my computer. But with more and more access to mobile devices at such young ages, it's important to talk now with your children (or even brothers and sisters) the importance of pornography. It shouldn't be intimidating or telling them to be scared of it. Anything and everything is about action. This video is perfect for adults, to see that pornography isn't something to be scared of, it's part of this life and another thing that we need to face and say, "no I won't be involved." Don't be afraid to bring up the topic of pornography, if you don't who will to your children? This video is perfect to help lead you to some ideas on how to approach it.
It's NEVER too late.
If pornography has taken root in your life, it's never too late to start the process of taking it out of your life. It starts with the first step of a decision to not let it overtake your life, but it also takes every step after the decision you make to no longer let it have a place in your life. Here is a video to help you never cross the boundary that could lead to letting any mistake taking root in your life.
Not only can pornography be painful in times before marriage, but also in times after you have made a vow to one you love. Pornography can be addictive to anyone, male or female. Satan does not care if it distances you from reaching utter happiness and joy. This video is a part of the 12 Steps to Change that the LDS church provides for those with addictions. You can read more about my thoughts on that here.
Don't forget to check out Fight the New Drug here. Pornography does kill love. It falsifies what love is, and makes it appear to be what it will never become.
I've said it time and time again, Satan is a peabrain. He likes to think he has complete control of us, but in all reality he doesn't. Only if we allow him to have that control. Pornography is one of his tools to make us as unhappy as he is, but he is the king of unhappiness and one who will never feel true joy.
Speaking in the Terms of the Unspoken.
So here I am, speaking in the terms of the unspoken. For those who are too scared to stand up against pornography. For those who have seen it on their social media accounts and are sick of it. For those who are too scared to pull the root out. For those who cannot and will not let Satan enter their lives. For those who are against pornography. I am speaking for you. It ends and it ends here.
Our Heavenly Father loves us too much to let us go through this life feeling alone and lost. Now is the time to talk about pornography. To talk about how Satan tries so hard to make us feel inadequate and to turn to something that can cause us lack of joy or happiness now.
"God's love is there whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there."-President Thomas S. Monson
5 years ago, I can remember the day I was crying to my mom that I didn't have any friends, my little junior high brain would never completely fathom the greatness that was about to come. I can actually remember the very moment and day in junior high, we were in the library and I was looking at a kid and thinking, "man he's weird." Well Heavenly Father has a great sense of humor because that weird kid actually became one of my best friends. He's out serving the people of New Mexico as we speak! (Well as I speak...)
Flash forward to today, and I said a good "see ya" to one of my best friends. Called her on the phone and heard her voice for the last time for 22 months. My eyes cried, my heart is aching, but I am happy. Joyful in fact!!
As they say.
I couldn't sleep last night. (Go figure--college life.) I was looking at the wonderful pictures I have on my wall of my fantastic friends! My squad.
My mom always had a saying, "friends will come and go, but your family will always be there." Alright, alright, I did tease her about that. But my mom was right, (as she always is) friends did come and go. They still do! But the wonderful people I have met in this lifetime, have made such an impact and positive influence on me. I can't even thank them enough! Many are out serving now, in Oregon, New Mexico, Chile, Washington D.C., Nebraska, Spain, Peru, North Carolina, and soon to be Cambodia and Mexico! (Plus so many more!)
I remember sitting in Young Women lessons and they would talk about how important it is to choose good friends because you'll become who you surround yourself with--"yeah yeah blah blah" I thought I totally had life figured out--lol no. But I couldn't agree more! I wouldn't want to be surrounded with any other friends. In 84 days I'll be leaving to serve the people of Trujillo Perú. And I can only owe that to the best of friends.
Get yourself a squad.
It took me until the end of senior year, to be completely satisfied with the friends I had. Get yourself some good people. Get yourself friends who will be there for you through thick and thin. (and everywhere in-between) Get yourself some friends who love fries as much as you do. Get friends who love going to the temple. Get friends who will make you be a better person. Get friends who will make fun of your obsession with Duck Dynasty. Get yourself friends who make you proud to be a Latter-Day Saint. Get yourself a squad.
My momma was right, friends come and go, family stays. And I do have eternal family but this is my squad-family. (It's cool--it's just a word I made up. ;)
Life isn't easy, but it's a lot harder if you don't surround yourself with friends who you want to be like. And boy, do I want to be like my little squad. I miss and love ya'll.
Dance season. Two words I pretty much dreaded my sophomore year of high school. It was an awkward thing really, the whole asking and answering game, the girls flipping out to find the craziest dress imaginable, and of course, the date.
But in all reality, I wouldn't have minded. I didn't really mind. I think it was more the incessant asking of, "Oh have you been asked yet?" "Nope." *Cue awkward silence, and Marissa cheesy smile*
My sophomore year, that's pretty much all I heard. "Have you been asked?" "What are you wearing?" "Who's your date?" It just got to be all too much of a...numbers game.
I don't think I would have minded if my thoughts were somehow focused elsewhere. Haha but I was pretty known to be a "tough girl" around those guys...(guess that's just something that comes from having 5 brothers!) I didn't get asked to every high school dance, at first it was hard. Then I realized something.
Marissa, You're Not Good at Math Anyways.
I never could really understand why it mattered so much to me if I was asked or not my sophomore year--probably because it mattered to everyone else. Logically, it didn't add up to me. "I'm a girl, you're a guy, you need a date, let's go." Haha then one day it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks: "Marissa you should probably be nice to them..." (Like what?!)
I mean, I'm probably the only Asian you'll ever meet that's terrible at math. But it took me a while to add it all up,
-Talk to the guy
-Be nice to the guy
-Don't call the guy a doofus (even if he is--that took me a while to figure out)
-Maybe guy will ask you out?
That last one was the toughy. I'm way too much of a logical person to think things through without blurting them out. (Believe it or not, there was a time that I was a shy human being--yes I'm laughing too.)
Homecoming Senior Year-I went by myself and took pictures with Ace for the school newspaper. We rocked it. And I got fries afterwards. It was awesome.
You're Not a Number.
Then again, I got hit with a ton of bricks with a sudden realization. Marissa, you're not a number. You're not the number of dates you go on, the number of dances you attended, not even the number on a scale. You're just not...a number.
I imagine when Heavenly Father was creating us as who we would become, that He didn't just consider us a number to get off the checklist of all His children He had to create. I imagine He took His time. I imagine that He looked at us, and took every heartache, sorrow, and sadness we would feel, and give us a talent or gift to make up for that. I imagine He would know the insecurities we would feel in this life, and taught us, told us, and showed us before we would come how special and unique we were individually.
I believe I'm not a number. I'm certainly not the number of dates or dances I went on in high school. (You really do find happier things in life than that.) And despite what the world, or even smelly Satan might tell me, I'm really not a number on a scale. I'm not a number. I'm me, Marissa Barnes. I'm terrible at math, a lover of french fries, I have an obsession with watercolor flowers, and foxes. I'm more stressed than I have ever been before, but I'm so happy!!! I'm happy knowing that I'm not anything the adversary would try to make me believe. (Because he's a peabrain anyways!)
And my ladies in high school, you are not a number. You are not a number of dates you go on, you are not the number of dances you get asked to, you are especially not a number on that piece of metal you stand on. You're more than that. You're you. You're uniquely you! So before you let high school get to you, don't. (Especially high school boys!)
I asked a dear friend of mine owns an Instagram account with nearly 26 thousand followers. She is such an example to me, and I am so grateful for her willingness to do this and even more so to share her testimony of the gospel. I LOVE her story and her ability to love others. Here is her story.
I hate social media. Not something you’d expect to hear from someone with a social media account with almost 26 thousand followers, but it’s the truth. What bugs me about social media is that it is too often used as a fake highlight reel of a life we should all be envious of, or the complete opposite, as a place to rant and rave about how awful life is. It seems to me that the majority of posts these days are one or the other of these two extremes. There are no posts about daily life. No posts about miracles, blessings, or expressions of gratitude.
Yet, just like everyone else, I wanted nothing more than to fit in and I felt social media would be the first step to reaching this imagination of popularity I had built up in my head. On my 15th birthday the only thing I wanted was a smart phone. And the first thing I did after opening that little box and pulling out that small bright screen was open the app store and download Instagram. I didn’t really understand what it was, but everyone else had it so I knew I needed it to. I created a personal account for myself and started following all my friends. I posted pictures of my friends and my family, but each time I got on Instagram I felt sad by the two extremes of posts that I saw. I felt like there was something missing. This didn’t feel like the praised Instagram everyone was talking about. There seemed to be something missing from what I had thought Instagram would be.
When I created Mormongirl19, I had no idea what I was doing. I really did not consider my username before because I had no idea that this many people would actually see my posts. I remember thinking “Well, I’m Mormon, and I’m a girl, so how about mormongirl?” Has a nice ring to it, right? So I typed in and it comes up with the little message, “This username is taken. How about mormongirl12839, mormongirl1010, mormon375girl, or mormongirl19?” Now that I’ve had the account for 2 years I look back on that moment and I have to laugh at myself. There were so many other names I could have chosen but instead I picked the first random thing that came into my head, and after seeing the name was taken, I just chose the suggested username with the easiest number to remember! I’ve had people ask me what the 19 stands for. Is it because you’re 19 years old? Is it because that is the age girls leave on their mission? And I just have to laugh and explain that my username is completely random. Since then I have thought about changing the name to something better, but in a way, ‘mormongirl19’ now fits me. Mormongirl19 is the one who made the account. Mormongirl19 is the one who shared posts. Mormongirl19 is the one who has 25,900 followers, and it wouldn’t be right to change it now after all that I have learned and accomplished under that name.
Before my account, I was having a really hard year. I was struggling with finding good friends. I had been receiving text messages from people I had never talked to telling me how horrible of a person I was. And mormongirl19 was kind of my safe haven. The first week I had my account I had no followers. After a first week with no followers I should have thought to myself, why did you make this account? Why are you still posting when you’re the only one reading it? I should have thought this, but I never did. Not once did I question my original desire to share the gospel over social media, even when I was only sharing it with myself. I kept posting, I kept sharing what I knew. And the funny thing about a testimony is, the more you share, the more you feel that conformation in your heart and know more deeply for yourself that what you are testifying of is true. And even though at first, I was technically only sharing with myself, I still felt my testimony grow knowing that the words that I posted I knew to be true.
By the end of the first week, I gained my first follower and after that the account kept growing on its own. By the end of the second week mormongirl19 had 1,000 followers. After 2 months it had reached 2,000. And today, 28 months later at 25,900 followers, my account still feels the same as the first week when I had 0 followers. It feels the same because I don’t think of the follower count, I think of the individuals, who just like me, face hard times and need a little pick me up from time to time.
I have had a lot of experiences with these individuals. Some have asked me to pray for them and their needs, some have told me their stories and thanked me for my account, and many have I had the opportunity to share a message of the gospel via DM. I have grown to love the individual and to appreciate the joy the gospel brings in my life. I love the feeling I get when I share that happiness with others.
A lot of people have asked who I am because they want to know and thank the person behind the messages. But to those people I say, if you want to know and thank the person behind these messages, you’re going to need to kneel down and thank your Heavenly Father. Everything I post is a message He has shared through His prophet. I may be behind the post, but I am not behind the message. So, as I have in the past, I choose to keep the account as anonymous as I am able to.
I would like to bear my testimony that I do believe each of us are children on God. You have a role to play in this life that no one else can play. You were born in a place and time where you can make a difference. A difference that no one else can make. I know this to be true, and as crazy as it sounds, I learned it from mormongirl19. So I guess you could say in a lot of ways, I really do love social media. Instagram: @mormongirl19
Ladies, is it just me or is jewelry hard? You don't want to get something that is so off the wall, and you really want to get something you know won't tarnish, will last, and will match with various pieces of clothing! It's crazy what a little piece of jewelry can do.
I was on Facebook a few weeks ago, (I know go figure!) and I came across a cute little online boutique- Simple Addiction. I fell in love real quick with their prices and cute jewelry. (Alright, I admit--I'm picky when it comes to jewelry.)
They had an anniversary sale going on, so a selection of the jewelry was only $5! (Yes please!) I decided to try a few pieces I've had my eyes on for a few months from different stores.
The first piece is the Alice Vine Necklace. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find a link on their website to send you to buy this necklace but you've got to ask them to restock! It looks like it might be heavy, but this necklace is to die for! I love the collard shirts with short necklaces look and the Alice Vine Necklace is perfect for that!
The next necklace is the Dot Necklace. I love long necklaces and love even more that this piece is neutral enough to wear with a t-shirt dress or even dress it up! Love the simplicity!
The last piece is honestly the one I have kept my eye on at several stores in the past few months. The Crystal Brulee Necklace is so cute and I can't wait to wear it more! I love how you can wear it with many different items of clothing and dress up simple looks.
As far as the process goes for purchasing through Simple Addiction, I loved the way they treat their customers. You do order online through the company, but through their Facebook page as well as through the email you provide, you are given constant updates on the status of your package. (But not too many to make you want to rip your hair out!)
One aspect I really enjoyed was through their Facebook account, you would receive personal messages on your package that you could send messages in response. It was not an automated response back, but a personalized one. What a way to run a business!!
Overall, I was very impressed and pleased with Simple Addiction. Let's just say I'm already having a difficult time not browsing through their website and wanting to buy almost everything I see.
I tend to get skeptical about online shopping. It's hard to tell if the shirt, pants, dress, or skirt will fit. But just recently, there has been such a hoot and holler about Jane.com that I thought I'd give it a look.
I used Jane.com's mobile website, and instantly fell in love. The website is very user friendly, and guess what--they even have an app that's even easier to use!
I'm not huge on a plethora of emails, but Jane.com does email when you sign up, purchase, your tracking number for your shipment, and when your shipment ships! How great is that? Barely an effort from after you click purchase!
My dress came through Coco and Main, I have loved their process! They sent the dress through USPS, and it came in a cute little wrapping, with their logo on it. There was also their policies and a return label if needed. (It wasn't!)
Lately I have been very much in love with floral patterns lately, and fell in love with this dress! (I mean who doesn't love a good maxi dress?!) This floral maxi is perfect to dress up or dress down! There is a choice between a ivory or black print.
Dresses have been my latest obsession, and it's always best to get dresses that you know will last and wear well over and over again! This floral maxi has been perfect for just that, and I've already worn it 3 times in the past week since I've got it!
March 2015. I'm pretty sure that could be classified as the worst month of my life. I saw so many I loved tested in the hardest of ways, losses either physically or spiritually. Quite simply it was the worst. I don't remember ever crying so much in my life. (And if you know me, that's a lot.) You can read about a portion of that month here.
Month of Satan...and...
I was thinking about that month of March, haha the month of Satan. (Okay, pretty much if I don't like something I call it Satan. ;)) It was hard. Sometimes, it's harder for me to see ones I love go through a trial I can't help or fix than it is for me to experience something. That month was definitely one I can't forget. That month of Satan. But in all reality, it wasn't just the month of Satan. It was the month of my Father in Heaven, the month of joy, the month that I truly became who I am today. The month that day by day, shaped my testimony-shaped my life.
I remember one of those long nights, crying to my mom. "It's not fair. It's not fair." I kept saying it over and over, tears streaming down my face. I was upset. Almost on the verge of anger. My mom spoke some wise words to me. We talked for a while...I cried for a long while...my mom showed me that sometimes it's really not fair. Sometimes we, or the ones we love experience the trial of heartache. But it's no point for us to sit and wallow. It's a time for us to do something.
But...Why? *Cheesy Smile*
I'm convinced my four year old niece, Micah is the best human on planet earth to ask about a billion questions. More often than not, she's asking questions about something that's quite plainly in sight. (They think two year olds are the questioning age? They haven't met Mike.)
Sometimes she'll ask, "What's that Rissa?" or "But why??" *Insert super cheesy smile because she knows the answer* To which I'll usually say, "It's ____" or "Because that's just the way it is Mike." (Then you multiply that scenario by about 20 times because that's literally how many questions she has haha.)
But I think that we are that way sometimes too. I think we ask too often, "But...why do we have to go through this Heavenly Father? Why are you having me go through this? It's hard." We question it a lot. Trials are hard. Trials are dang hard!! Sometimes it's just easier to think we would be better off without the hardship. Sometimes it's almost easier to live a (seemingly) happy, perfect, free, trial-less life.
As nice as that would be, I firmly believe there is something to be had and something to be learned from every little experience we have. From every single person we meet. I believe that trials are meant to make us better, to make us happier. I believe that even and especially when things are hard, that we aren't alone. That one, our Savior and brother Jesus Christ, knows exactly how it is and how it goes. He knows every heartache we feel, every sorrow, every sadness we experience.
I Believe.
"Because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path, utterly alone, we do not have to do so." -Elder Jeffery R. Holland
"He will ever be at our side. He will fight our battles. He is our hope. He is our salvation. He is the way." -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"The one who had the power to calm the elements of the earth, has the power to calm our souls" -Elder Robert D. Hales
I believe Jesus Christ knows because He suffered for our sins, died on the cross, and was later resurrected. I believe His love and understanding goes far beyond empathy or sympathy. I believe He knows. I believe He knows what it's like to be disappointed, hurt, angry, happy, joyful! I believe He knows, and truly is the only one that does. I believe that although He bled from every pore, felt the ache and sorrows of this world, was mocked and spit upon, I believe He wouldn't trade that trial and hardship. I believe He would do it again if needs be. I believe He loves us.
So I Wouldn't Do the Switcheroo.
I wouldn't trade a trial. I wouldn't change a thing about the hardships I've experienced. I wouldn't trade a moment of March 2015. Because even if it was harder than hard to see those I love go through seemingly unbearable things, I wouldn't trade it. Because I wouldn't trade the person I've become through that. I wouldn't trade the happiness that I sought in that hard time. And I certainly wouldn't trade the feeling of comfort from my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
Things are going to be hard. Trials will come and go. Days, months, and years like March 2015 will come and go, but honestly, I wouldn't trade a trial.
"Our most prized friend is Jesus Christ himself." -Elder Ronald A. Rasband
I don't know about you guys, but allergy season kicks me in the butt! It's so rough this year. And I'm not even allergic to anything cool. GUYS I'M ALLERGIC TO GRASS. That's so lame. There's about a billion other cool things I'd rather be allergic to. I mean, grass is (almost) everywhere! So lame I tell ya.
But there's a couple other things I almost swear I'm allergic to; microphones and emotions. Anytime I get close to them it takes me for a whirl.
*my face when emotion allergies hit*
Hey Mike.
I'm pretty sure it's safe to say everyone in my home ward has seen me cry at least one time or another. (Seriously, this allergy kicks my butt.) And it's not like there's even an allergy season for microphones, there just there. All. The. Time!
I pretty much fight it every time. That internal spiritual battle.
"Get up and go bear your testimony."
"No I bore it recently, everyone's heard it."
"You get up there and bear it."
"Nope, I'll cry."
"You always cry."
That...is quite true. Every time I go up, I swear I won't shed a single tear. (Who even plans to anyways?) But there's got to be something about that microphone that truly gets me. Dang allergies.
What is This Feeling So Sudden and New?
Emotions are so dang weird. I think Disney's Inside Out portrayed it pretty well, sometimes emotions come and go. My best friend actually told me once, "You're not very good with emotions." I'm really not. If I don't like the way I feel, I try sidetracking myself and do something crazy--like start a blog. ;)
I think as humans we have a hard time coping with what we feel. Anger, happiness, sorrow, sadness, joy, or even excitement. It's hard often times to put into words what we feel. It's even harder to show that to others while being sensitive to their feelings.
Don't Taco About It.
Sometimes my allergies get the best of me. (Mainly the grass at the most inconvenient of times.) Sometimes I know I have to go and bear my testimony, not for others, but for me. It's hard to get the words out because I feel at times we have the thoughts of what we need to say and do floating around in our minds, but once the words escape our lips, our hearts know it too.
Just tonight I was laying next to my mom and the words just came, "I want to go on a mission so bad right now." Out of total oblivion. I'm not entirely sure where it came from. Then complete silence. We both didn't say a word for a few minutes. I thought, "Marissa. What did you just say?!"
Finally my mom spoke and we talked about it. About changes. Change has been so hard lately. So good, but so hard. I think I get the habit of saying, "it's all good" from my mom. Because so many times that she's said it and I truly believe it. It's all good. Change is hard, but man is it oh so good. I cried. Tears came out and I couldn't stop them. Things don't make sense. Sometimes they just won't make sense. But talking about it, vocally talking about it makes it real, tangible, and so doable.
I'm so bad at vocally saying what I truly mean. Yes, yes, and yes, I can say totally stupid things that come across far from what I mean them to. I've always admired those who can easily say, "I love you!" to anyone and everyone. That's a real skill. But to say words to ourselves, others, and especially our Father in Heaven, that's what pierces my soul to the very core. I can get on my knees and pray in my heart to my Heavenly Father, no problem. But to get on my knees and pray to Him, to thank Him, to ask Him, to tell Him my struggles and heart aches...that's what gets me feel something I can't describe sufficiently in words.
Sorry My Eyes are Watering.
So yes, microphones and emotions seem to be my most tender allergies...but there is nothing quite like the ability to speak vocally. To truly mean every word that comes out of your mouth, and (somehow) become a better person because of it.
Thanks allergies for teaching me that sometimes microphones and emotions can be okay...but can we make a specific season for that?
Mostly Marissa
My allergies are tending to act up a little bit because a week ago these cuties were here and now they're in California and Idaho...I'm not sure how to handle this so here's a plethora of cute pictures of them. Happy First Birthday Ella!
I'd like to think I'm a pretty decent driver. I mean I have the odds stacked against me; Asian and female. But the other day, my record was busted. I hit a skunk.
I've always gotten pretty close, maybe just a graze of hitting your typical squirrel or mouse. But it was dark, and once I saw that skunk run across the road with no intent of return, all I could say to myself was, "NO, NO, NO!" Then boom. That skunk, Satan's cat, was a goner. I felt the bump of when he (or possibly she) hit my car and I knew right then and there...Felipe (as I decided to call it) was in skunk heaven.
Driving in Darkness.
Driving in the dark is a weird, yet awesome thing. You are in pitch black, but you're guided by a two lights that work on your car to become one and help you see. It's crazy! (I seriously applaud those who are intelligent enough to figure out every little logistic piece and make technology what it is.)
Whenever I read or study the Iron Rod in the scriptures or have a lesson on it, I can't help but think about that dang Mist of Darkness. If that darkness wasn't there, then those on the Iron Rod could clearly see that maybe the Great and Spacious Building isn't what it appears to be. But because of the Mist of Darkness, they can't see entirely what's happening.
I feel like sometimes on my journey of life, (or the Iron Rod) those Mists of Darkness get to me and I can't escape them. I'm holding on tightly with both hands, trying to see that glorious goal, (the Tree) but this fogginess clouds my mind. I still study my scriptures and pray, but my scripture study becomes more just reading, and my prayers seem less sincere and more automatic.
It's hard to see in the dark without some source of light. And I'm positive the adversary knows exactly what he is doing when we go through those cloudy, hard parts of life. He knows that if he can get us just a little bit off the Rod, then he could do it slowly and bit by bit.
What Would It Feel Like?
Just a few weeks ago, our stake had Girls Camp and I went to help a couple of the evenings. For one of the activities, they had an "Iron Rod Activity". I've done this before at Camps and Conferences, but here's what happens; (If you already know, skip the next paragraph)
This typically takes place in a field or area with foliage. There is a rope that acts as the "rod," the blindfolded participant has to stay on the rod, and not be lead astray by other ropes that could be tied to the initial rope and reach their destination. Pretty easy right? Oh yeah, I forgot, there are others who are acting as "tempters" trying to get the participant off the initial rope. Either off to a false rope, or off the path entirely. There are others who act as "angels" to help the participant through the journey. Both give tips and advice, both are seemingly helping, but since the participant is blindfolded, it's hard to tell if the person helping is a tempter or angel. The tempters and angels are spread throughout the course, encouraging in ways they only know how to keep the participant on the path or encourage them off. The angel will encourage as though the participant will meet obstacles through trying to go under or around trees, stepping over boulders, and avoiding crowded areas. The angel does their best to help the participant reach their destination safely. However, the tempter is encouraging the participant with easier routes, safe zones, or even telling them they have reached the end. Neither the angel or tempter can physically touch the participant, but let them make the decision if they will listen to them--whether it be good or bad. (I hope that made sense!)
However, when I was listening on how this Iron Rod Activity would go on, there was something different. If the tempter could get the participant to reach out and take their hand, the tempter was to sit them down and away from the path.
The participant was only to sit for a few minutes until an angel would come to put them on the path again.
How hard that would be. To feel like you knew exactly what you were doing, and listening to the "right" people, only to be off the path. You're blinded, because you can't see what exactly is coming or who is influencing you.
An Ache in My Heart.
It hurt me to even think about sitting away from the Rod. From the rope. The safety that you know is there. My heart aches for those who are off the path and whether they know it or not, I hurt for them. Now not because I want them to live exactly perfectly, (because we are human--not one of us is perfect) not because I want them to live how I do, but because nobody should feel like there is a darkness or no hope in their life. Nobody should feel they are so far off in the dark from a decision they've made, that they feel there is no rescue.
A Little Light.
But the great thing is, we all mess up! I'm the worst at prioritizing, and that can sometimes lead me to be lazy or not finish everything I want to. Because I choose to not put things as they should be, I can almost lead myself to darkness. Truth is, I worry way too much about what people think about me. I don't like to admit it, but I do! I'm a people pleaser, (even it doesn't always appear that way) and I hate contention. But sometimes I tend to fall into that darkness and let those little things get to me.
But sometimes it's good to run into little patches of darkness, so we can yearn more for the glorious light. To give us more of a personal push for scripture study, and personal prayer, and just to become the best us we can be.
(If you want to know more about the Iron Rod, Mist of Darkness, or the Great and Spacious Building, check out 1 Nephi chapter 8 in the Book of Mormon.)
So Thanks Skunk.
So thank you skunk. I'm sorry you are now dead, and that I had to learn about how darkness really isn't that great, but can be made to be light. I'm sorry I didn't give you the funeral you deserved, or that I never really found out your name, but thanks for teaching me a lesson in a weird way. (Because apparently that's how I learn it--shoutout to the crow)
And thank you, friend and reader, for making it this far in this blog post that may not make sense. Thanks for being you, and getting through those dark times in your life. Basically, thanks for being you.
Hey Dads. This post is for you. For my dad, my brothers who are dads (or yet to be them), to my grandpas, to my uncles, to the crazy seminary teachers who were just like my dad, to the dads I know, and to the dads to may not have had children on this earth, but are the example of a father. Here's to you. To the Men in My Life.
Papa Barnes
I'm pretty convinced (actually I know) that I've got the best dad in the history of ever. Honestly, he's as stubborn as stubborn can be, takes dad jokes to it's entire advantage, and has a knack for taking nature photos. (Quite extraordinary actually.)
One of my favorite memories of my dad is when my mom went back to work, and my dad first started working from home. I was in second grade and had no idea how to do my hair, (my mom was still doing it--judge me!) my dad decided to take on the role and try doing my hair for me...after a while he got frustrated because he couldn't get even a ponytail quite right. Finally, he asked if I could just wear a hat to school. Although he tried to do my hair, (it did look quite funky too) in a way he taught me to learn how to do my own hair. (Through his many a stumblings.)
Another thing my dad has always done for me, is when I'm having a hard day or a rough time I generally go to my room and think. He always seems to know what's wrong and I can't even say the amount of times he has taken the time to stick his head in and talk about whatever is going on with my life, or even just to say he loves me. I'll never forget that.
My dad is the best at advice. And I'm the worst at receiving it. It's in the short car rides we have, or when I'm getting ready in the morning where my dad has given me the best advice. He's taken his experiences and sincerely and truly wants something better for me. He works harder than I'll ever understand to make sure that our family, and I as an individual have a comfortable, happy life.
Something I've always had on my list for a future husband is exactly what my dad portrays. My dad knows something about everything. I can ask him what that random plant is and he'll know exactly what it is! Little do others know, my dad hunted a lot when he was younger. He has a testimony of gold, and shares it with those who will hear. He's taught me to love the gospel and my Father in Heaven. For that, I am indebted to him.
They say it's the little things, and they're surely right. My dad is one of my best friends. (Haha also one of the most stubborn people I know!) He works hard to provide, is always there for a (cheesy) laugh, is more than an example to me, and has taught me so much about who I am and will become. I love you dad.
Joshy-Washy.
I can't really say enough good about Josh. He works hard to help others, and expects zero recognition for what he's done. I can see the way he loves his wife Kari and his two (crazy) daughters. He works hard to provide, and does what he can to serve others in any way possible.
I remember we were cleaning dutch ovens once, and it was my job to move them. My dad said, "don't take more than one at a time to move." Well I was going to show him. As I carried two, one slipped and I took a huge chip out of Josh's dutch oven. (Those aren't cheap either.) I was so upset for not listening, and didn't want to tell Josh that the dutch oven I broke was his. When I came to him upset and crying, he simply said; "That's okay Rissa. Just be careful next time."An example of how patient and loving that weirdo can be.
Jakers.
Every time I think of Jake I have to smile and laugh a little because to me, he's like a big teddy bear. Jake has always been an example to me of someone who is always looking out for others, even if it's hard. Jake is a very prepared man. He says he isn't a risk taker, but I think he takes more risks than anyone I know. He doesn't get the appreciation he should, but that's because he's Jake and does a lot for others "behind their back" just because he is a sincere person. I love how he does that.
I remember calling Jake when he was in college, just in tears. (Haha apparently I cry a lot.) I was upset because I felt pretty defeated by life and people, and in my 12 year-old realm of life I had had it. Jake let me explain what was going on, and talked me through it. He gave me honest advice, and helped me realize that even if it was hard, it wasn't the end and things will get better.
Also, he let me call him at 6am...twice. To help me with registering for college classes because I hadn't a clue what I was doing. He rocks for that.
Bendre the Boosa.
Oh man Ben. There's not many things I love to hear in this world more than Ben's laugh. Ben is the best at making the best of a bad situation. Even when he had his troubles with pains and surgeries with his legs, I never heard him complain once. My mom says he was her happiest baby and I believe it! He's always smiling and laughing, and trying to help others through a hard time with the good 'ol laughter medicine.
One of my favorite memories with Ben, was when he would babysit Adam, Andrew, and I. (Aside from the babysitting times when he would make me smell his armpit.) Ben would always let Andrew and I ride on his back and call him Boosa. Honestly, I don't know exactly was a "Boosa" is, but Ben would always be involved with us when he played or babysat us. Ben is always 110% in of what he has promised or dedicated himself to do, and I admire him for that.
A-dam.
Now let me be upfront, Adam isn't a dad yet. But I think he will be such a great father someday. Adam loves kids. He is always seeking to help someone out who is struggling or needing a helping hand. He's one of the best listeners I know, and he always is there for a (cheesy) laugh.
One of my favorite things about Adam is that even if his sense of humor is entirely cheesy, he uses his humor to help others when it's hard. He's really good at becoming best friends with strangers in a ridiculously short amount of time. He doesn't ever see a barrier and loves people for who they are.
Botat.
Oh Andrew. Alright readers, he is far from being a dad. He's serving the people of Ecuador right now, but I know for a surety he'll make an even better father for as great as a brother he is. Andrew and I haven't always been able to get along, but his example is so huge to me.
When I was a sophomore and he was a senior, everyone knew Andrew. They would always say, "You're Andrew's sister?! You're so lucky!" I wanted to say, "Yes, I am Marissa, 'Andrew's sister'. Have you met the kid? He's wacko. We have different definitions of lucky it appears." But wait, I'm not an awful person! Because as time went on, I would see Andrew just as everyone else did. Andrew always had someone's back. He was always including others, showing Christ-like love, and always was treating everyone on the same plane--nobody was better or worse in his book. He truly loves others, he loves people. And I love that about him. He is a people person, and he's the best at it!
Hey Dads.
So hey dads, you're not perfect. But you're pretty great because we think you're quite up there and as close as you can be to perfection.
Hey dads, you're crazy. You're wacko and nuts. You make life fun and tease us as kids constantly. But hey, we like it and wouldn't have it any other way.
Hey dads, you're funny. (Except for those dad jokes. ;)) You help us when we feel down, and surely use those dad jokes whenever possible.
Hey dads, you work hard. Whether that's at out in the workplace, or at home helping with the kids, you work hard. It's not always seen or thanked for, but you work hard and you're proud of it.
Hey dads, you're an example to us. You use what you've learned as a hardworking husband, father, and son and make life better for those around you. You put others first.
Hey dads, the media doesn't treat you like you should be treated. You're intelligent, seek learning and knowledge, you work hard to become better everyday. The media tries to make you look like you're far from that, but hey. We see it and we appreciate it.
Hey dads, WE LOVE YOU!!! We don't always show it, we might be not very good kids at times, but we owe who we are, (at least the good things) all to you. You're crazy, funny, you work hard, are an examples, and a lot of what you do and say you may think goes unnoticed, but we love you for all you do.
And to a Heavenly Father who gave me these earthly examples so I can return to Him someday.
"If you say that one more time I'm gonna slug you. I'll slug you anytime you say that."
"Mama Marissa."
*slugs Jake in the arm as hard as I can*
I was pretty sure I had life figured out by the time I got to my senior year. Boy was I wrong. I think too many times we look at high school in one of two ways:
1. You don't look back at it
2. You look back at it too much
I didn't want to be either one of those scenarios. So here I am, writing a blog post about it. (Please don't hate me.)
To those in high school: (especially you seniors!)
-Get involved
-Be friends with everybody
-Remember everyone's names (I'm pretty sure Carson and Cameron truly understand how hard that is for me to do)
-Be happy (they always say that attitude is everything--they is right)
-Learn a little--challenge yourself, and save yourself some money by taking concurrent enrollment classes
-Maybe skip class once...ya know just to try it out...I did it once. ONCE. I'm not that rebellious friends
-Enjoy those stupid little things--like when squad talks in a circle before school starts or getting fries every Friday night
-Live in high school, don't live in high school--skip the drama llamas and gosh darn it live your life!
-Post lots of pictures--it annoys people, you get an excuse to take pictures, and put funny captions because honestly you're hilarious
Senior Year: The Balancing Act
Guys I swear I'm the worst at balancing things. Especially life! (Haha college is going to be interestinnngggg ;))
I actually really loved my high school experience...okay guys it was high school. Far from perfect, but you make the best of going to a school surrounded by farmland and some (quite hilarious) cowboys. It was awesome.
By my senior year I felt like I really had things figured out...well sorta. I loved my senior year and wouldn't have traded a thing! I took a few college classes, was an editor and web designer of the school newspaper, and was vice-president of Seminary Council. Man what a year!
I think something we all tend to struggle with is finding ourselves in whatever area we are at in our lives. I remember crying to my mom in elementary, junior high, and high school because I was so lost at finding (or rather remembering) who I was. I don't doubt that it'll happen for many times to come, but like they say, "comparison is the thief of joy." I found this year that the only person I want to compare myself to is the person I was yesterday.
Senior year really taught me how to be happy now and how to make life happy for the future. High school is such a short time in life, and I found myself looking too far back in the past that I wasn't enjoying the little moments in between and in the present.
So all and all, be happy. Be happy now! Because life is sure as heck crazy, busy, draining, laughable, and fun. But if you aren't happy because you're comparing yourself or looking to the past, then you're forgetting that this life is a Plan of Happiness!
Mama Ooooo!
It's kinda crazy. Them Seminary Council kids. My kids. Alright they aren't kids...but it pretty much started that I became "Mama Marissa" because of them. Man I miss them. Mama Marissa begun when I was being my Marissa self and being (rather bossy--don't tell my brothers I said that) and one of the council members said, "You're acting like our mom." Then I made the mistake of telling them my brothers used to call me "Mini Mom." And thus Mama Marissa was born. (Just kidding guys, I was already born, the nickname came to be)
Honestly, at first it drove me BONKERS. (Thus the beginning of this post.) But time went on, and the nickname wore on me, and here I am. Mama Marissa.
It's kind of funny actually. My Paw Print staff started calling me it, and when we had assemblies in Seminary, students would call me it--I didn't even know their names! (This is why it's important you know everybody's name!) Eventually people in the hallway started calling me it! Honest to truth, it makes me happy. I love it.
There's something about nicknames that just get to me. (But that's another post for another day.) That weird nickname of Mama Marissa really helped me to know that even if I was totally and completely stumbling through life itself, it made me feel about 100000 times better knowing that I was known for being Mama Marissa.
Adios Amigo!
Although I'm bidding adieu to that thing called high school, I certainly can't bid adieu to that name (or rather calling) Mama Marissa. It was a great ending to my high school career, and I can't really put into words how the past 3 years of my life impacted me. Cheesy to say, and I'll honestly probably be joking and teasing about it all tomorrow. See ya high school, you can keep the crowded hallways and copious amounts of saying "It's a Great Day to be a Silverwolf," but I'll still keep being Mama Marissa. *peace sign*
Until the next post,
Mama Marissa
Onto adulthood! (Yes, this was a year ago when I thought I was really cool. Yes, I should have made this look cooler. Yes, yes, those are Pringles socks.)
I'm not much of a Twitter person. I like Instagram and Facebook, it's all about the pictures for me. Anyways, I have a Twitter account. I get on occasionally and post semi-occasionally. Just a couple Sundays ago, I had thee greatest sabbath! Sundays are really my favorite. In essence, it completely rocked. (Thanks Heavenly Father!) And I was a pretty happy Asian. So I posted this...
Evidently Satan does have a Twitter, because he did #comeatme.
(Not come eat me, that could be confused with that hashtag language, FYI.)
This past week we had our closing assembly for Seminary (crying emoji). My heart aches to know that this calling is coming to a close, but this isn't about how much I'm going to miss being Mama Marissa full time. Every time we have an activity or assembly of some sort for seminary, smelly Satan always tries to sneak his way in. (Not cool bro!) But it has always landed where he's tried to mess something up the week of the assembly.
So this time, I was like "cool, I'll get everything prepped and make sure we're all good to go and Satan can't sneak his smelliness into anything of our assembly." Welllll...I was wrong. Because the smelly Satan came in the week before, and decided to do what he would to make things...awful. Haha my friends, that week was ranked as one of the worst weeks I've had in quite a while! Dang it Satan, get off Twitter.
There's those weeks where just one thing after another hits you and hits you and hits you! To me it basically feels like when you're walking and you just totally biff it and skin your knee. You'll get up and totally biff it and skin your other knee. Haha that's truly what that whole week felt like. And dang it, being happy is already hard!
Anyways, after going through a week where everything seemed to be falling apart, and the ground beneath my feet started to seemingly crumble, Saturday finally came around and one more "skinned knee" trial happened and I just lost it.
Now I'm not very good with the whole stress thing, so there's two things I typically do when it comes to stress; eat fries (usually the large kind), or go for a run (typically because I don't have money for fries).
Well I laced up my Nike's because I didn't have money for fries and I hit the pavement. And let me tell ya'll something, I am slower than snail snot when it comes to running. Like seriously I have the hardest time pacing myself. As Sister Nielsen would say, I slog. (Slow jog--fine probably not even that!)
I went further than I thought I would, and everything from the entire week just weighed heavy on my mind and I felt what seemed like a physical burden on my shoulders. It was so heavy. I finally stopped in my tracks and felt like I couldn't breathe. Not because I'm totally out of shape, but I had literally lost it and was sobbing. I probably looked like a complete fool and walked to a park that was on my trail, it was quiet and there were no kids around so I sat down and just cried, feeling sorry for myself. (And seriously hoping nobody saw some crazy Asian girl sitting there crying to herself.)
Then this dang crow flies by. And I just wanted to say, "alright, cool Heavenly Father. You're gonna send me Satan's bird to be with my when I'm crying and upset at the world? Ok cool." *Insert a whole lot of sass here* So I would do what anyone would, I took a selfie with Satan's bird.
There he (or she) is, just chillin' at the top of the slide.
I was so frustrated, hurt, and angry. I wanted to yell and scream, "Heavenly Father! I'm doing what I'm supposed to! I'm doing what you've asked me to, I'm reading my scriptures, I'm praying, I'm doing my best to be kind to others and trying to be happy! And it's hard. Why is this whole week so hard! Why is it that when I'm doing my best, and doing what you ask, WHY IS IT SO DANG HARD?!"
I didn't expect an answer. I just wanted to blame my unhappiness on someone else. But just then, when I was feeling at my lowest of lows, Heavenly Father answered me.
He let me know, He reminded me that sometimes we just get hard things in life. Sometimes we get curveballs and things thrown at us that we never would have expected. Sometimes when we're doing the right things, it's just still going to be hard. And that's the way it's supposed to be. That's the way it always will be.
Finding happiness in a world where you have to seek out the joys is hard. BOY IS IT HARD!! But sitting there that day on a playground, with a stinkin crow behind me, Heavenly Father answered my prayers. He heard me. He hears me. He hears us!! And how great is it to know that our own Father in Heaven hears us. Even when we probably don't deserve it, or when we can't see it his way. He still hears us!
So back to my story, I got up from that playground. Slogged back home, and gave my cute 3 year old niece a hug. Because when I was feeling sorry for myself, I didn't recognize the tender mercy that came my way just minutes before I left for my run.
Cute little Mike looked at me right in the eyes and said, "Rissa, you look beautiful!" And you know what, I didn't think much of it. I was thinking about how awful the trials were that I was given. That I was in sweats and without makeup, my hair in a ponytail, and that things weren't fair. But when I gave that (sassy and emotional) three-year old a hug after I came back, I would hope how much she knows what I mean when I say "I love you Mike!" And I certainly would hope she would listen and know when her Heavenly Father tells her He hears, listens, and loves her too.
So yes, Satan does have a Twitter. But I'm not follower of his. Try again fool. *peace sign*
Mostly Marissa
If you want to hear a seriously amazing song and feel utterly happy and loved, watch this video by Hilary Weeks.
If you want to read about Stephanie Nielson from the video, check out her blog!
