284
Days-Not Taken But Given
"I
never met my grandma Linda Fae Gibson Barnes. Not in this life anyways. But
from the time I was little, I can always remember walking into my grandparents’
house, with the sweet aroma of old perfume and any sort of baking cookie or
pastry. I can remember exactly where the photo of her still hangs behind the
front door, by the plethora of family photos. Grandma Linda was sitting on an
awkward shaped tree stump, wearing a white shirt and blush pink pants that fit
just the time the photo was taken. She was holding her favorite flower, a
daisy.
My
grandma grew up in Ogden Utah in 1940. Ironically, she attended Wahlquist Jr.
High, and Weber High School, both perfect rivals of my own alma maters. She was
the fourth oldest of seven children. She had a sister that was born when she
was in her teens, she loved her dearly and became very close to her.
My
grandma was only 16 years old when she first met her love, Gary Barnes. He was
a quirky, 17 year old, who loved outdoors as much as she did. They were set up
on a blind date with a mutual friend, Jay Whittier (G. Barnes, personal
communications, November 11, 2016). They spent much of their courtship outdoors
in the cool Ogden air, going to movies, plays, and dances. My grandpa is a
simple and straightforward man, he loves to tease. When Linda’s high school
graduation came, she was asking him if a ring was in question. Just before her
Seminary graduation, they were on a drive and Gary pulled to the side of the
road and popped the question there. He loved trapping and even saved up the
money for her ring by money he received for trapping animals (G. Barnes,
personal communications, November 11, 2016).
According
to the Barnes Book written by Marjorie Barnes, on September 25th,
1958 she married her love, Gary Barnes. They married on her 18th
birthday, and Grandpa teases to this day that it’s because he only had to buy
her one gift a year, because it was both their anniversary and her birthday.
When they went to the county clerk to receive their marriage license, Linda was
only 17 and Gary 19, so they had to have Linda’s mother and Gary’s father come
to sign for them. Because Linda and Gary were so young, the clerk thought it
was Linda’s mother and Gary’s father getting married and brought a laugh when
he found it was for Linda and Gary (Barnes, 2010).
Their
first house was in Coalville, Utah with rent costing only thirty-five dollars. Their
first child, Andrea was born in 1960 and by 1968 they had moved into the house
they built close to the mountains in Ogden, now with four children, and their
youngest to be born just a few months later (Barnes, 2010). I can perfectly see
that dark red brick house in my mind now, I can see each room and how it seemed
to be carefully planned out and made a home. My grandpa Gary and his second wife
Helen still live in that small home in Mountain Green today.
My grandma and grandpa had six children. More than
anything my grandma loved being a mother. When her youngest, Eric, was
continuously pretending to be sick, she made him a deal. Linda promised Eric
that if he went to school for a certain amount of days, he wouldn’t have to
pretend to be sick and she would let him miss one day of school and do what he
wanted. From that small act as a mother, concerned for her son’s education, she
showed that she cared for him and cared for the life challenges he would face
(E. Barnes, personal communications, November 6, 2016). Linda also cared for
the people her children would become. Her son Keith recalls,
She didn’t like profanity and one time I just mouthed a really bad cuss
word several times because I was angry at her for something. She walked up to
me while she was brushing her hair and hit me right in the face. (K. Barnes, personal
communications, November 11, 2016)
My grandmother instilled in a
simple way that she did not appreciate the language my uncle was using. She
never hit, but for this situation she saw it fitting to help her child become a
better person.
Between
her oldest, Andrea and her son Kent, Linda had the unfortunate experience of a
stillborn baby girl (G. Barnes, personal communications, November 11, 2016). It
was a hard time, because she loved to be a mother. My father, Kent recalls of
very few times in which my grandma Linda would talk of her sweet baby girl that
missed this lifetime.
In
1981, Linda began to have health problems. Later it was found that she had a
rare autoimmune disease that would cause an inflammation problem in her blood
vessels. Her disease would attack one vital organ to the next, and her
chemotherapy would come through the small means of a pill. A heart murmur was
found at one of her check ups, and through later testing it was shown that her
aorta expanded 25 percent in her one week. They were afraid that it may burst,
and rushed her to the LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah. It was there that
heart surgeon; Dr. Russell M. Nelson was assigned to her (Barnes, 2010). The
first thing he did was ask her about her family by the photo he had seen in her
room, he then explained to her the situation and what may happen. My grandpa
was grateful that he was able to ease the worries of my grandmother and what
her situation may hold (G. Barnes, personal communications, November 11, 2016).
Russell
M. Nelson is an internationally renowned surgeon and medical researcher. He had
many experiences with the aortic valve, even in the time where many were still
learning new things about the heart and especially the aortic valve. He would
later be called to be in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for the Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Thorne, 2010). My grandfather holds him to a
high respect for the short time that he met him when he consulted my grandma.
Since
the disease was so rare, hardly any information was known to help her be able
to overcome the effects of it. Even 30 years later, the autoimmune has close to
zero credible information about the disease or treatment itself. I would imagine that in a lot of ways, she
was devastated at this point. It would be hard to have faith in the unknown,
but her sons and daughters have said many times that she never complained of
her predicament. She later had pneumocystis pneumonia, which she ended up on
life support for ten and a half months while in the hospital (S. Barnes,
personal communications, November 9, 2016).
But Linda didn’t let her disease detract from the
person she was. Her son Kent remembers even during the times that she had the
trachea tube, she still couldn't talk, she would write a note to a nurse if she
could see they were having a bad day (K. Barnes, personal communications,
November 11, 2016). She talked to them about their families and life, Linda
sincerely cared for them. Her sense of humor never lacked no matter the
situation, when her daughter Andrea recalled,
She actually asked her doctor in the hospital
that last time, "will I be able to play the violin after this?" He
was hopeful and said "Yes you will" she replied, "That's
great I couldn't play it before." (A. Barnes, personal communications, November 7,
2016)
Even at a time where death was
knocking at her door, Linda was able to find humor for the present time and in
the time that was certain to come.
She
was on life support for 284 days before she signed her own papers to be
released from this life. She was in the hospital for over nine months on life
support, in addition to the hospital visits before then (G. Barnes, personal
communications, November 11, 2016). Between those long hospital days, she was
happy. Imagine that, happy when she knew that the end of this life was coming.
All the nurses that helped her were there at her funeral, even the hospital
administration. I believe in those 284 days on life support, my grandma’s life
wasn’t taken. I believe it was given, given to serve those that helped her,
given to show me years down the road that life is entirely what we make of it.
Each
person I have met that have spoken of my grandma Linda, have easily said that
she was a kind woman. The word kind is used on rare occasions, but I can see
how it fits my grandmother. In her short life, she had given everything to
others. Her life was never taken from us, it was entirely given to us to show
what a kind person is.
I
constantly think of that picture of her hanging on the wall. And I think of the
pictures hanging around it. A collection of photographs that leave a legacy of
her, her kindness, laughter, and joy. Each picture is worth a thousand words;
it truly shows that each person in those photos has a story to tell."
I am certain that we each go through hardships in this life just to become the person our loving Heavenly Father expects us to be. So many miracles or "triumphs" have come into our family for the legacy that my grandma Linda left, and give us the opportunity to have our loving grandma Helen. I'm certain that our Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need, and when we need it. He knows that each of the tragedies we seem to pass in this life, aren't meant for us to be sad or upset at Him for forever. It's simply just an opportunity for us to make a tragedy into a triumph.
